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Ponychan-MLPchan Merger >>>/site/15219

File: 1354873440876.png (1.1 MB, 1280x1024, tumblr_m7iqgcFlnO1rtx32lo1_128…)

Food for thought Filler 2137[View]

#Discussion#Exercise

A bit of an exercise for reviewers, authors, or anyone who wants to give it a little thought. Without using examples or the words "show" or "tell," define or describe show vs. tell and detail how to fix a story when it has been described to have show vs. tell issues.
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2319

My thought is that a story's much like a puzzle, where each paragraph is but a piece of the whole.

The sentences within those paragraphs compose the shapes of the pieces, whereas the wording creates colors.

As puzzles are not made of only one singular piece, so too are they not made of one singular type of piece or color of piece. That admittedly makes them easy to put together, but it makes them kind of boring as well. Why work at it if we aren't going to have any fun with it?

You must make a puzzle that is, to some greater or lesser degree, challenging and yet cohesive. If we cannot see why a piece goes into one place, versus another, then we have no interest in continuing the puzzle, or we make it into a tie-died mess instead of a clear picture. So each piece must fit in to one next to it, yet also be different enough from its neighbors so that we want to keep putting the story together, because now the puzzle holds all of our attention, and complete it properly.
This post was edited by its author on .

Anonymous 2324

>>2203
That's not a very good koan. A koan is supposed to be a non-answer. "this is why both answers are no good" isn't a non-answer.

Can't be arsed to participate proper-like. Maybe another time.

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2407

Actually, I think I have a single-sentence way to explain SDT.

"This description would be better if you used actual imagery instead. This is what everyone means by show-don't-tell."


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Umbra's advice column of rainbows and jellybeans Umbra!S7TySB6rOM 2300[View]

#Discussion #General #StoryHelp

A while back, after my first submission to Equestria Daily, I was referred to Ponychan for editing. I was very impressed by each reviewer's willingness to volunteer their time to read obituaries fanfiction. After having a number of stories reviewed, I wanted to help out as well. I started my own review thread, and everything exploded and caused me to abandon my thread twice went perfectly.

Except for a few weeks out of the year, my schedule is just too busy for a review thread. So I was faced with a question:

"Alright, what can I do in the fanfiction community that's disgustingly pretentious, but also won't overload my already busting schedule?"

An advice column! And thus…

DA RULEZ

This thread is not for full story reviewing or proofreading. For that, check out the Training Grounds. They do great work!

The main purpose of this thread is to offer general advice or answer questions about the trickier grammar issues, plot elements, and anything else that might be on your mind. Now for a couple of specific rules:
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2372

>>2369
Hey! Spoilers!

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2376

… oh *dear.* We have a Rocky virgin here, don't we?

Okay. Rocky Horror is this freaky cult-hit thing that may well be partially responsible for our negative stereotypes about campy gays who crossdress and wear terrifying bondage gear.

Frank N. Furter? He's Tim Curry in drag.

This fic wouldn't be nearly so generic as you're afraid of.

Umbra!S7TySB6rOM 2378

>>2376

If you think you're capable, go for it. However, do not write something like Gamer in Equestria (which was dropped into my first review thread and then deleted after I raped the author's soul), or I will find you.


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Conch Shell VII: Creative Consultant 957[View]

#Reviewer #Discussion #General

/fic/ was, and still is, known for its wide variety of review threads, where authors can go to get input on their fiction. In the past, I attempted to throw my metaphorical hat into the reviewing ring, but I found I lacked the literary chops to do so. My strengths didn't lie in identifying problems with existing works. But, as I discovered in the process of writing my "pet project" crossover, they did lie in world-building and working out small details. So I bought an office out in the middle of nowhere and started offering up my services.

To oversimplify the matter, the standard reviewer's thread focuses on stories, making it effectively a more personalized version of the Training Grounds. With that in mind, my thread will function as a personalized version of the Story Forge. Got a story idea you want to develop, but you just don't know how to start? Don't know where you're going with a scene? Hit a brick wall with your story? Congratulations, you're my new clientele. I'll offer my opinion on your ideas, so they can grow and mature. Remember, there is no such thing as a bad idea—only bad execution. I shall be constructive as possible, and I shall never tell you your idea sucks. Or, if I absolutely must do that, I will do my damnedest to explain why.

So come on, kid. Step into my office. I don't have all day.
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2282

File: 1355182220494.jpg (44.58 KB, 640x480, Conch Shell, Human, Pondering.…)

>>2231
After the issue was corrected, I was able to quickly get to work on the case. Paper_mate_Pony was writing a crossover, too. A Sherlock Holmes crossover, specifically. Now that was an interesting concept. I had only a cursory knowledge of Sherlock Holmes, but I did like all the little touches Paper had thrown in to make the story look like period-appropriate writing. He obviously had a deep love for both mediums, which is all you need for a good crossover.

But he was stuck, and that was why he had come to me. I really didn't know why, though. It seemed obvious to me. In any "realistic" crossover, especially one that involves inter-universal travel, the Princesses are going to want to know about the beings from another world. And because the story was already in Canterlot, it would be a simple thing to bring Holmes, Watson, and Harrison to the castle. In fact, it seems like you were going there already. So bring them there. "Now bear with me," I told him. "Have one of the Princesses be in the throne room… and the other one be in the statue garden. That way, they go out to meet the Princess and they see the statue of Discord, which I assume is the titular "Devil's Statue.""

But maybe that was too obvious. Paper had been a good help and a good friend to me. I didn't want to just tell him things he already knew. When I gave him my findings, I made sure to ask… was that the best I could do? Or was there some other answer that had slipped by me?

2343

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>>2282
Fair'o.
How about my characters? I just feel like they've come out completely different from the previous two chapters. Any suggestions? What do you think?

2346

File: 1355403321550.jpg (44.58 KB, 640x480, Conch Shell, Human, Pondering.…)

>>2343
Characterization… it hadn't occurred to me to check that. I didn't notice any deviation in the characterization, I told him, but he may want to get a second opinion on that just to be safe.


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MLPchan Thanksgiving Writeoff Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 1222[View][Last 50 Posts]

#Event

Prompt: Words That We Couldn't Say

Writing: Fri, 23 Nov 2012 06:00 UTC to Mon, 26 Nov 2012 06:00 UTC
Voting: Mon, 26 Nov 2012 06:05 UTC to Mon, 03 Dec 2012 06:00 UTC

Event details at: http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/#11-MLPChan-Thanksgiving-Write-off

To kick off the community here, we're putting up a prize for a writeoff over the Thanksgiving weekend:
The winner will get their choice between a Derpy or Rainbow Dash Funko vinyl collectible pictured here.

So here's a chance for those ideas you had that you didn't get a chance to put to use in the Hearth's Warming Event to be brought to life.

Submission Information:
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Review of "Tribunal" 2221

Tribunal:

Mechanics/Details:
>garb
That sounds more like cloth than metal.

>His helmet felt stuffy.

This feels tacked on, as it has nothing to do with the previous two sentences. And three sentences in, there's already a structural subject-verb pattern that all three use.

>Sprinkles saluted, and made his way into the chamber.

When there's one subject linked to two verbs, don't put a comma between them unless they get overly complex.

>As he walked down the hallway

So… is it a chamber or a hallway?

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Tribunal review response Grif 2239

>>2221
Thank you very much. I suspected I misrepresented a lot of interactions between the military officers in my fic, and you confirmed most of it. I can only attribute this to my lack of military experience. (Not that I seen other writers do better, but that's no excuse.) Probably should read a book on this or get a military guy to look over my fic next time.

>That's strictly a movie effect. Arrows just sound like a rush of air.

Good to know.

>We also lack background for a lot of it, like the long history that a number of the soldiers share, or the captain's family history.

Agreed. I plan to expand on it when I revisit this story.

>They just keep things moving and remind us of the framing device, but really, they could be deleted without harming the story. Make them mean something.

Originally, the tribunal scene was to present a contrast between the lie being told and the actual scene that happened. As it is, they failed in that respect.

>First, the lieutenant doesn't seem to be fooled. What are her motivations? Does she know the captain's true nature? Does she have experience with it?

This part I actually plan to keep as is. The LT knows the captain has a bad record, but has no intention of tarnishing the image of the Equestrian Royal Guards for this. Supposed to represent the part of the hierarchy that likes to keep things hush-hush.

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Review of "Goodbye, Mother that was never Mom" 2268

Goodbye, Mother that was never Mom

Mechanics/Details:
Title: Mother is a "who," not a "that." And capitalize those words.

>My big brother’s staring at me with a look I’ve never seen on his face before.

Describe it. I need to be able to see it, or it's just a cold fact.

>It’s disquieting

Don't just make us take her word for it. Describe what effect it's having on her.

>slapdash mental experiment

Doesn't seem in character with the mood here, plus it's on odd experiment that results in methods for consolation.

>There’s hardly anything from my own heart I could say.

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Machine of Death style collection 1835[View]

#Collab #Collection

Yeah, I know I suggested this awhile back and it didn't work out; I blame that on my stupid idea of trying to collect donations so we could go to BroNYcon. But seeing as how we haven't had much traffic lately, I think now would be a good time to try again.

The idea is that we each write a one-shot story about an agreed upon topic, then we review each other's stories until they're all ready. After which we take all the stories and put them in a PDF, which Seth will hopefully make a post about.

But first we have to decide on the common theme, ideally one that's at least kinda like the show we're basing this off of. Also, I'm going to email Seth, asking him to plug this thread after we get five people agreeing to do this besides myself.


Oh, this is what the Machine of Death is about: http://machineofdeath.net/about
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1980

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>>1977
But it could be good fun exploring things like, uh, that Arabia place, or the frozen wasteland the first settler ponies left, and what is of it now. Just sayin'. But "Where Are They Now?" sounds fun and if we roll with it I claim dibs on Flim and Flam

Ion-Sturm 1987

>>1967
This is also a good idea. I've been thinking about Unicornia. My headcanon has it as an isolated, frozen wasteland. Some unicorns chose to not follow Princess Platinum in the unification of the three pony races. Their bitter disposition and supremacist way thinking attracted the Wendigos, which is why the Unicornian Empire is now nothing but ice and snow. They survived in caves dug down to geothermal vents, feeding on fungi. More than a thousand years and hundreds of generations has caused them to evolve into a sort of subterranean metaspecies.

2027

>>1967
I'd actually really like it. Kind of like a more geographical (rather than temporal) variation on PK's Antipodes. Imagine a story about the great Griffin Tribal War, or the unification of Saddle Arabia. Imagine a story passed down generations entitled A Thousand And One Neighs, or of the first contact of the Buffalo tribes with the Equestrian settlers.

Believe me; there is plenty of potential here.

Oh, and if there's anything possibly relating to Egypt or Greece, I would totally claim that.


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Hearth's Warming Care Package !!Spike 840[View][Last 50 Posts]

#Event

The event has ended! Here are the results: http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/event/3-Hearths-Warming-Care-Package/results

Copied from an Equestria Daily post ( http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/10/announcing-hearths-warming-care-package.html ) :

It's not quite yet Halloween, which means it's time to start thinking about the winter holiday season. Smart alecky quips aside, a group of bronies have taken it upon themselves to put us all in the holiday spirit by setting up a very unique sort of charity for now seven-years-old Kiki Havivy, the little girl fighting a potentially lethal brain tumor whom Tara Strong has been rallying us around for quite a few months now.

What makes this project unique is that it's not seeking funding, but rather a much needed boost of morale in the form of stories. That's right, it's time to put our collective fanfiction chops to work for the forces of good! Check on down below the page break for the official press release, an informational video, and as a special bonus, a video that got released a few days prior of little Kiki singing, circa age 3. If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.



Greetings and Salutations to All of Equestria!

This letter is to announce the arrival of a new brony charity project, known as the ‘Hearth’s Warming Care Package’. We have been moved by the many great things the members of our fandom and community have done for those less fortunate, and this project is a way for those without funds to give back to a cause.
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Axis of Rotation 1842

>>1815
>>1817
Oh don't worry, I plan on sticking around, forEEEEveeerrr!

Dekiel/Coobie 1845

Congratulations to the winners! And thanks to everybody who participated, I'm happy we could do something for Kiki. I hope she'll enjoy the stories, especially the grand trio. Also, that's it for the first full fledged story (I guess I can say that)I've ever finished. Now I know a whole bunch of new 'what dos and what do nots' that will surely be helpful when I get to writing something next time.
Thank you again, everypony!

DawnFade!XqWRrTglb. 1900

I've never posted here before, but I thought I'd come by to offer my congratulations to everyone who participated. Judging those stories was a lot of fun, and I'm glad to see others felt the same way about Pinkie Pie's Balloons.
The simple prose, recurring lines, and clear message made it a clear choice for me. It really seemed like something out of an actual children's book, which was something I kept at the forefront of my mind when judging the entries. Well done!
(Also, was anyone else imagining Kiki's mother reading the stories to her? That was another thing I did while judging.)


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An Inconvenient Truth 1816[View]

>Pic tangentially related.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make that greatly distresses me. I'll make this as quick as I can. For the past year now, I've been working on a crossover with a certain video game entitled Team Fortress 2. Billed as a tragicomedy, The RED Cataclysm has been the story I've wanted to tell ever since I got into this fandom. It began life as my first-ever foray into the brony community, and it's been steadily evolving ever since then into a story of grand scope, greater than I ever could have imagined it becoming when I scratched out the first draft.

And I think it just jumped the shark.

So I ask you, fellow denizens of /fic/, has this ever happened to you? Have you ever poured your heart and soul into something, watched it grow and blossom into maturity, and then looked back on it and realized "Wow, this is complete horseshit"? And if so, how did you cope with that realization?
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1847

>>1822
Well, I suppose you have a point there. Writing has helped me grow as a person. In fact, over the course of writing Cataclysm, I realized I wanted to pursue writing as a career. That's what makes this realization so hard to work with. And as for my audience… yeah, I suppose I can take some consolation in that.

1852

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>Pic Related

To your question Conch, I will answer "yes."

I originally started my Main Story, "Equestri Noir", as a rather simple fantastic noir about a jaded knight in sour armor detective named Bogart Maltese who was tasked with investigating, and subsequently stopping, a dangerous cult based in Ponyville called "The Crux Nato," all the while dealing with the death of a partner at that same cult's hooves, and the steadily darkening world around him (which was already dark as is, due to Equestria being slightly crap-sack world with no princesses and two world wars, the second one just barely ended).

Bogart himself was a vet of the previous war, and despite having fought on the side of the baddies (The Regime in-story) was a stallion that deep down wanted nothing but to do what was right. It would have dealt with him coming to terms with his past actions, accepting his present route, and embracing a future that while uncertain, could be shaped into something bright.



Somehow, that story morphed into one where Bogart Maltese ended up cursed by a vile corruption thanks to the Crux Nato (one that changes him physically and mentally), had to stop total war from once again breaking between the major nations of the world with the aid of a returned princess Luna, had to protect the Elements of Harmony as they confronted the source of worldly chaos, a corrupted Discord, came to the harrowing discovery that he was, in fact, an artificial homonculi created by the Regime to serve as an unquestioning general, and finally had to confront an eldritch abomination called "S'muz" in a dimension of complete chaos alone (as he was both soulless and corrupted, thus could face it and not go mad), and somehow convince it to destroy itself rather than carry out its goal of total assimilation and consumption.


So yeah, the shark was jumped quite majorly.

My time away from the writing (due to life issues) showed me how to fix my errors however, and that's what I'm doing, aside from reviews and a possible future workshop.
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Bleeding Rain!DROPScczL2 1856

File: 1354566067490.gif (1.35 MB, 975x720, 135101124258.gif)

Yes, quite a few times, actually. I wrote a story on FanFiction.net back in the day. It's non pony, but it still sits today as the only story on the entire site that has a particular character. It became very popular because of that, and I still get emails today asking me to continue it. I can't, of course, because it was a lemon (For those of you who don't know what a lemon is, it's FF.Net's non pony term for clop story.) and, well, I really think it's complete horse apples. Really, I just looked at it the other day and was shocked by my own writing. I edited it for formatting, but I still don't like the way I wrote it. I would take it down, but it has fans that really enjoy it. (likely because it's the only story of it's kind)

There was also a pony story I wrote, that I just really, REALLY regret ever writing. It was intended to emulate my favorite song by Jackleapp, but I failed in the exposition. Needless to say, I agree with the rather swift send-off I received from EqD.

I have no idea where I would be right now if not for /fic/, and I rather wish I had found you guys before I finished high school, which would actually have been possible. I had just started my senior year when MLP began.
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Applejinx's Neither Flesh, Fowl Nor Good Red Herring IC Review Thread Applejinx !tDashiepow 33[View]

Howdy! This ain't the first Applejinx IC review thread. Ponychan's on its second one, and handles the majority of fics (and is where the Google Docs points to). FIMchan has always had one, specifically for handling clopfictions and stuff that Ponychan couldn't take.

Since mlpchan's fic has no particular bias for or against adult content so long as you just link to it, let's do something unique to mlpchan for this version. How's this?

Introducin' the Verse thread!

That's not to say you got to talk in verse- no, the idea here is, this is for crittin' fics where the intention is to take the EXISTING MLP:FIM show and extrapolate it- neither sticking strictly to what the show's allowed to do, nor entirely replacing it with subverted versions like FIW, nor going off to deal with OCs with the mane cast in supporting roles.

Call it a masterclass, special emphasis on folks who are trying to include ALL the mane cast ponies and write plots based on their personality interaction.

Remember, the rule is not 'nobody could call it OOC'! I will assume you mean to shift a few details and run with it as the differences spread out to affect the whole story. I'll try to work out what axioms shifted and I'll try to see in what ways the rest of the MLP universe persists- in particular, if you're able to hold on to kindness, friendship, caring (even in a grimdark or noir 'verse) that will get high marks.

Th' point is, rather than keep the names and revamp everything else, or keep the characters but switch out the whole underlying mood, in this thread we switch out fundamental things (sexuality, violence, maybe death?) while trying to hang on to the SOUL of MLP:FIM.

If you succeed, a few ponies will jes' hate you and lambaste you for getting it so wrong, but a lot of other folks will latch on to your work and follow it avidly- and you'll have a Verse, one that you can say is basically Equestria (and one where you can get the same sense of security and comfort in love and friendship!) but which also has added elements that you CANNOT see on the Hub.
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Anonymous 1628

>>1627
Not a problem. Happy to help you out if we can.

1629

>>1627

What was confusing is the fact an Applejinx thread with a big ol' Applejack picture on it was hanging around on the front page for a long time, and now there are two.

Oh!

This particular board's a little odd. Go to settings, in the top right, and turn off your mature filter. It hides threads with objectionable subject matter.

## Mod 1630

File: 1354185237306.png (31.52 KB, 500x500)

Keep in mind that turning off the mature filter means you see the mature threads. That's what it's for, for filtering out the mature threads. Hence, "mature filter."


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Azusa!fG2qnvpWXU 1255[View]

Uh, should we be worried that FiMfic.net will get a cease and desist from Little Brown? It's not like they have anything to lose by suing away. Getting us mad won't hurt their sales, but leaving FiMfic up might. I'm sure that there are plenty of kids who visit that site and most of the stuff that gets posted is at least of the same quality as the books Little Brown will be selling.

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/11/little-brown-books-covers-and-more.html
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1329

You know what?

They've known about us since S1.

Why would they send a cease-and-desist after such books are primed and ready to go?

Why would they nail Friendship: The Gathering but leave us alone?

No way are we in trouble. We should all sit back, relax, and read our clopfics until we get news that they're planning a grown-up version of MLP aimed at teenagers. Then maybe we can panic.

1376

>Why would they nail Friendship: The Gathering but leave us alone?

Part of it was how close F:TG was to actual Magic. On top of that, I think F:TG had plans for printing and distribution. (At least, that's what I recall.)

1436

>>1376

Yeah, I figured that. It's okay though; they had some obnoxiously terrible decisions.

No matter how much fun it would be to determine a system for creating "booster packs" of random cards, then using them for a draft…

Anyway, what I'm saying is that the standard procedure would be to issue FimFic a cease and desist as soon as they're pretty sure they want to do something that would be redundant with FimFic.


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Fanfiction Extravaganza Jersey_Lightning 1288[View]

#Author
Hey there, I go by Jersey Lightning.
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Jersey%20Lightning
Fanfiction writer for a few years now, ponyfic writer for significantly less time but I've got a few fics out there that are doing reasonably well,

And they are:
Pilot's Story
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/25381/Pilot%27s-Story
This is essentially the story of a human cargo pilot's entrance to, and adventures in Equestria. She'll have to both acclimate to this new life and deal with the consequences of her entry into Equestria.

Next up is:
Confessions Of An Equine.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/50732/Confessions-of-an-Equine
This is not your typical HiE fic, because in this case H means horse. The first person(pony?) story of a mare who finds herself in equestria and has to come to terms with her newfound intellect.

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Casca!blANCA/Sq2 1289

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Welcome to /fic/! Just a couple o' heads ups:
1) to tag, put it in square brackets. [(hash tag) Author] would give you #Author.
2) /fic/ doesn't generate much attention, so don't be too disappointed if response is cold. =s If you're looking for critique, though, you can visit one of the review threads, with the TG: http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/525+50.html being the largest.

Either way, enjoy your stay!

Jersey_Lightning 1290

>>1289
i forgot to add an edit password so i'm unable to fix the op :|

1291

I'll edit your OP for you.

Casca's right; individual author threads tend to get less of the attention they need then seeking a reviewer directly in a review thread, so you might consider going that route.

Welcome!


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Improvement, and How to Go About Achieving It Casca!blANCA/Sq2 1237[View]

#Discussion

/fic/ is a board for fanfiction review, brainstorming, critique, creation and discussion. Well, mostly one and three, which pertain to the purpose of improving one's work.

But how do you go about improving one's writing skills overall? Do you simply get better after churning out tens of thousands of werds werds werds? Or have you not really improved because you're a natural genius and don't need to? Maybe it's a sudden moment of revelation on how to show rather than tell, or maybe it's an acquired thing, after getting draft after draft poked and jabbed in a review thread, and then suddenly realizing that you've got a much more solid style, four months later.

In this thread, we discuss improvement, be it to a single piece of work of our own or to one's writing style as a whole. We can discuss how we got about to improving, or whether we've improved at all. Perhaps the added insight would be beneficial to reviewers, to get a better grasp on what kind of advice or review works for certain people, and how it affects them - I know I'd appreciate it, at least.

Some discussion guidelines:
@ Do you feel you've improved as an author from your experiences in /fic/? How so? (this is easily achieved; just compare some of your old works to the more recent ones)
@ What helped you to improve?
@ Which do you think is more beneficial to overall improvement - line-by-line reviews, or overall reviews?
@ Why does this look suspiciously like a customer satisfaction form? Other
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Soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw 1250

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I feel like I've done enough of these to be sick of answering them. But I'll do one more.

>Do you feel you've improved as an author from your experiences in /fic/? How so?

I learned a lot from /fic/. I learned more from my own editor and books, though. I know I'm steadily improving because my style started on a skeletal foundation and I've continued to slowly add more and more things to it. I used to be incompetent at action scenes and scenic exposition.

>What helped you improve?

Two things. First one is writing. I see a lot of people who say they're authors, but they don't write. Determined not to be a cafe author, I write every single day, usually at least 300 words, but usually around 1000. The only time I don't is when I have a lot of editing to do.

The second thing is that I step outside my comfort zone. If you write the way you always do, your style will build very slowly. Accelerate it by writing in a different tense, PoV, or genre. You will learn things and bring back things from it.

>Which do you think is more beneficial to overall improvement - line-by-line reviews, or overall reviews?


I did both in my old review thread, and it varied depending on the story. Some stories are just have bad/poor characters, pacing, hooks, or premise. Others had simplistic or patterned prose, mixed metaphors, or really awkward/stilted dialogue and bridges. I find that the best way to review is to look for the writer's most glaring weakness and try to teach them how to fix it. This is why most of my reviews included lessons.

1265

File: 1353453652688.jpg (339.11 KB, 1680x1050, .. (30).jpg)

Time for me to weigh on this.

>Do you feel you've improved as an author from your experiences in /fic/? How so?

Yes, I believe I have come a long way from the days when I just wrote without giving second thoughts to meaning, prose, characters, and diction. I’m by no means done improving, but I’ve learned quite a lot from /fic/, as well as all the other authors and reviewers who’ve stepped up to my aid.

>What helped you to improve?

Input from other reviewers (Golden Vision, Samurai, Vimbert, SLP, Nicknack (before his departure), Seidio, Ion-Sturm, Shockwave, and several others who are no longer with us from nearly two years ago), general discussion about stories, themes, and ideas, and starting my own review thread. The last one has by far taught me the most, as I’ve gotten to learn from actual experience what works, and what doesn’t. It’s also led me to some wonderful stories, some of which I’m still aiding however I can.

>Which do you think is more beneficial to overall improvement—line-by-line reviews, or overall reviews?

Both are useful in their own way, but I will say that line-by-line is by far the more useful of the two. It all depends on the story, just like SLP said >>1250. The most useful reviewing mechanic will always be the live reading and reviewing process however. This needs to be done more often, as writers learn the most from it.

Casca!blANCA/Sq2 1287

File: 1353470395307.png (124.71 KB, 371x415, smile_2.png)

Huzzah! This thread isn't a failure!

ITT:
1) Participating in the write-offs is a good way to improve, because it forces one out of one's comfort zone, and allows one to get plenty of varying feedback.
2) Forcing one out of one's comfort zone is a good way to accelerate improvement
3) Reviewing helps one to self-edit better
4) Getting repeated reviews does help improve one's skills overall
5) Keep writing

>>1265
>live reading and reviewing process
As someone who's never been on the giving nor receiving end of that, I'll have to take your word for it, heh. I do know that when I review, I get distracted if the author is in doc at the same time, editing as I do my line-by-line. Grammar issues don't take too much thought to point out, but things like inconsistencies and actions I need more time to process, and there have been times when I wrote a long paragraph in the comments, only to come back to it ten minutes later, stare, and delete it. So I'm cautious about the author receiving advice until I've given it a once-over - reviewing my review. Yo dawg…

>>1248
>pre-writing process
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File: 1352312878806.png (567.92 KB, 993x559, roll_call!.png)

/fic/ Guestbook and Roll of Regulars - Nov '12 - Great Migration Edition Welcome Everypony !Wings60m9. 699Locked[View]

Newcomers, welcome to /fic/. Old hands, do you like the new digs? In this thread, introduce yourself. At the beginning of every odd-numbered month, we'll lock and re-make it. That way, it'll be a directory of current /fic/ folks, their threads, works, and a bit about each. Newcomers, guests, and people just passing through are welcome to make posts of their own, too.

So, usually we're a pretty serious, all business folk - present tomfoolery notwithstanding. In the interest of keeping this thread neat and tidy, one post per person, please, and discussion in other threads. Think of it as your "profile" if this were a BBoard or Facebook or yellow pages.

If you don't know yet, MLPchan allows you to edit posts.
See that "password" box when you post? Type something in there that you'll remember. Then you can check-mark your post later, click "edit" at the bottom, and hey-presto there you go. If you don't pick your own password, MLPchan will generate one for your computer, which you might not be able to remember later. Then again you won't have to unless you switch computers.


- Pen names / presence on other sites
- Writing bio and interests
- Works
- Threads you're involved with
- Anything else short and interesting about you.
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FullmetalPony 926

File: 1352691787569.png (83.58 KB, 400x346, pinkiepielufe.png)

Fullmetal Pony

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Fullmetal%20Pony

MLP was what really got me into the Fanfic writing. I did a few One Piece stories before, but those weren't even over 5000 words. Story wise I l like most stuff except shipping unless it's done very well. I always want to improve my work and hope to get onto EqD someday.

Current Works:

Ponyfall: Onward Valiant Crusaders- We had our bumpy beginnings, but ponyfall is coming together nicely now. It's also very interesting to work on a collab, especially when it comes to writing dialogue. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/20289/Ponyfall%3A-Onward-Valiant-Crusaders

My Little Pirates- One Piece and Ponies. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19208/My-Little-Pirates%3A-Luffy%27s-Adventures-in-Equestria

Heavy Crown (Currently undergoing revisions, but it's getting there)

984

File: 1352842846088.jpg (49.03 KB, 640x480, Conch Shell, Human.JPG)

Nice to meet you, kid. Back in the day, they called me Conchshellthegeek7. But since I started my own thread (>>/fic/957), I've decided to go by Conch Shell VII, instead. They still call me Conchshellthegeek7 over on FiMFiction, though: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Conchshellthegeek7

I'm not nearly as into My Little Pony as you might imagine I'd be. I don't watch the show that much, though I do enjoy it. I'm more a crossover/alternate universe kinda guy. I've got three fics in progress right now:

* The RED Cataclysm, one of many TF2 crossovers out there. It may not be an original concept, but it is the evolution of Friendship is Mercenaries, a Fanfiction.net exclusive that introduced me to the fanfic community and allowed me to decide to pursue writing as a career.
* The Five Horses of the Apocalypse, which is to my knowledge the first crossover of My Little Pony and The Binding of Isaac.
* My Little Pony Express, an alternate-universe Western version of the Season 1 Premiere.
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1219

File: 1353378421057.png (94.86 KB, 291x223, lucy2.png)

I'm Heavy Mole. I'm mostly a silent presence here on the /fic/ boards, but occasionally participate in discussion topics and peer reviews on TTG.

I'm a comedy writer with a penchant for farce. Works include:

Hotel Mario: Revisited - Probably the only Hotel Mario fic in existence. Didn't finish it, but it was nearly the size of a novel at its longest redaction (hey, you try writing a book around those cut scenes)!

One Night - A Little Bear (yes, that Little Bear) one-shot I wrote for a class in college. Little Bear's mother finds a baby raccoon in the stove one morning, and decides to adopt it; understated hilarity ensues.

Checkered in Places - My current, FIM fic. Rainbow Dash becomes obsessed with chess and enters a children's tournament at the elementary school to help the CMC in their hour of need.

Hopefully something to actually show, soon. Excelsior!


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The Grammar Insurrection 1160[View]

#Reviewer#Seminar#Style-and-Usage

Chances are, if you didn't sleep through school, someone tried to teach you how to underline predicates and what a participle is. If you were lucky, they taught you to diagram sentences.

They probably never taught you why any of this matters. This is the Grammar Insurrection, discussion of how to make images by combining words. This is grammar as you've never seen it taught before.

Online or in school you can find plenty of places that will teach you how to place commas, make verbs agree with their subject, and so on. Here at the Grammar Insurrection, we say that doesn't matter so much. Mechanical issues are secondary. Of course you want your prose to look nice, but the true heart of fine grammar is correct and clear usage.

But first, the structure and rules. This is a seminar thread, not a review thread, and will it run differently from them. We discuss one passage at a time. Please bring your own writing for discussion, but be ready to learn from others before (and hopefully after!) your turn comes.

1 - Everypony is here to learn, even reviewers, even myself.
2 - Everypony is here to teach when possible, even the newest writer.
3 - Passages for discussion should be shorter than one thousand words and suitable for general discussion. Specifically,
a - Not everypony wants to read about heavy kissing and/or kicking, so action passages are limited to an "Everypony" rating.
b - Sometimes it's an artistic choice to write unclear prose. That's fine, but it doesn't belong here.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Topic - Predicates and what they do Eustatian!Wings60m9. 1161

Verbs are words belonging to a specific group that show actions, processes, properties, and relationships. You can always recognize verbs because they are the only words that change form by adding "-ing."

Many descriptions of grammar say that some forms of verbs are not actually verbs. I think this is confusing, so in this thread all forms of verbs are verbs, even forms like "fallen" and "being."

Now the confusing part: sometimes adjectives pinch-hit as verbs. I'll bold these in the examples below.

A predicate is a group of words that starts with a verb and includes all the words that describe that verb. Every verb has its own predicate, which might be just the verb or might include other words.

> I see you.

predicate: see you

> I stop and think

predicate: stop
predicate: think

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File: 1350916873272.png (289.1 KB, 600x686, 144243 - artist-himanuts Drago…)

*chan Staff Fanfic Face-off 501[View]

#Event

In the interest of inter-board relations, http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me is hosting a fanfiction contest between the staff of Ponychan, efchan, and MLPchan.

The site staff will be given one week, starting Mon, 29 Oct 02:00 UTC, to write fanfiction based on a prompt determined in the hours prior. Each site is allowed up to five participants, and participants for each site must be active staff as of 21 Oct 2012.

When the writing is done, the stories will be posted anonymously to be judged by the community.

Which site has the best writers on staff? Who will succumb to creating a GeneralZoi OC abomination? What wacky adventures can our *chan overlords concoct for our pastel-coloured equines? If there are answers to these questions, they're probably somewhere around here.

See the site FAQ (http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/faq) for a quick overview of how these things normally go down. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Good luck, and I hope everyone has a good time. All bets are open.
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1091

File: 1353095897258.gif (1.95 MB, 217x165, k8TOB.gif)

>>1090
I thought Prompt Skill was in reference to your average score for submitted stories (since one would assume it means how skillful you were while writing within the prompt's guidelines). What is it calculated by?

1093

>>1091
If you hover over the table heading it tells you.

1094

>>1093
I only have a bronze on my profile for the Scoreboard. My "What Lies Beneath" entry, Darkness, was the winner, but I submitted it anonymously. Could that be changed so that the gold medal is displayed?


File: 1352850521276.png (510.34 KB, 750x572, Fluttershy um____by_kiruki1999…)

Azusa!fG2qnvpWXU 986[View]

#Feels-thread

What do you do when someone you know asks to see your writing, but they're homophobic and you don't want them to see your shipping stories? Even if I showed the [Friend-shipping] story I wrote a year ago, it's still on the same FimFiction account that's linked to my lesbian shipping fics.

What should I do, /fic/?
This post was edited by a moderator on .
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1068

>>1049
Oh, if that's the case…

I don't write anything excessively objectionable, but when it's not creepypasta-style short stories, it's difficult to understand unless you read it a few times. My mum bitches when I don't show her my writing, but when I do, she has nothing to say about it but "huh, interesting".

So I would advise just keeping it secret.

Pav Feira (laptop) 1085

File: 1353045624035.jpg (140.13 KB, 1153x692, __til_death_do_us_part_by_sket…)

Speaking from past experience, maybe show it to her anyway and bank on the chance that she doesn't make it far enough in to reach the parts you're worried about? (Assuming that the first few chapters aren't too friendshipping heavy). I don't mean that as a slight against your writing; I just mean that your friend may be invested in you, but not so much in your story, except as a means to be invested in you. As in, they'll read the first few chapters, praise you for the quality of that part, but not really intend to read it to completion. If they stop before they hit "eww lesbians", then problem solved, yes?

Of course, that's gambling that your friend doesn't love the story so much that they actually read it cover-to-cover ^^;

EDIT: Heck, you could even just only give them the first few chapters, and not link them to the friendshippy sections. If they ask for moar, then umm… distract them.
This post was edited by its author on .

1086

File: 1353047136580.png (Spoiler Image,99.88 KB, 960x644, preachy-thread.png)

>>987
Basically, this. Copypaste into Google Docs. Piece of cake.

If the majority of your writing is lesbian shipping and they are surprised at how little they think you've written, then you're in a bad situation.


Story Help 1027[View]

I was wondering if anybody would help a writer out. I have written a few crossover stories, but two I enjoy writing can't be completed. I have major writer's block. What's worse, I have two story ideas that can't be made possible, but I really want to write them.

The two I have written but don't know how to continue are The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara and Angry Joe Power Hour!
The other is called Oncoming Storm. You can find links to them here If you want to leave reviews, that's fine:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/18181/The-Nostalgia-Critic%2C-Linkara%2C-and-Angry-Joe-Power-Hour!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30586/Oncoming-Storm

The other two ideas I can't fully write are called Alan Wake's Equestrian Nightmare and From Equestria With Love. I have basic ideas for them mind you, I just can't write them. I don't know how. Can someone lend a helping hand for a dude that has had writer's block for a month or maybe even longer? (Sorry if I end up reposting this)
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Anonymous 1040

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>>1027
ArcadeLords, you may be well served by taking your fics to Conch Shell VII: Creative Consultant's thread over here: http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/957.html He specialises in helping with just the kind of conceptual block you're experiencing.

1106

File: 1353138083938.gif (94.68 KB, 146x93, kermit-flail.gif)

>>1040
Aw, thanks, Anon! I'm touched you remember me.

2040

Thanks! I know what to do


File: 1352354140116.jpg (84.42 KB, 739x751, Twilight85654 - artist whitedi…)

I wrote a fanfiction guide! Azusa!fG2qnvpWXU 729[View]

http://derpy.me/NuJHF

Comments are enabled and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please tell me if there are any parts where I was confusing or vague.

Scheherazade!n19n0sFHAY 733

File: 1352356971821.png (314.9 KB, 922x694, Rarity5_S01E23.png)

I quite like this, especially your section on the Adventure tag. That's exactly what an adventure story should be.

Will you be doing a section regarding the Alternate Universe tag or the Human tag (e.g. "here's how to write a HiE story without basically vomiting up another My Little Dashie")? I sort of think that it's impossible to write a good HiE story, but I'd like to see others' perspectives on the matter.

Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6 735

File: 1352362736109.jpg (270.94 KB, 1400x787, ebc8ec7c106304614481211efe57b8…)

A few things:

>Then I discovered Pony fics that, I consider, to be better than most “real books.”

This… um… this kind of kills your credibility. There's a lot of good stuff in the ponyfic world, certainly, but saying that you've found ponyfics you consider to be better than most real books makes you look pretty naieve and not terribly well-read. I mean, human literature is exponentially larger than the collected works of a bunch of dudes who like a cartoon, and is written by an exponentially more diverse array of people, so your opinion really just comes off as uninformed.

>We watch this show because the female characters on it feel like real people and we would want to be friends with them if they really were real.

Well, there are lots of different reasons for watching the show, depending on the person, but relating to the characters is a pretty strong reason. Wording it like this kinda makes bronydom sound like a collection of sad virgins, though.

>Hero's Journey

http://filmcrithulk.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/hulk-explains-why-we-should-stop-it-with-the-hero-journey-shit/
I don't know that recommending the actual book is really a good idea. I mean, as Hulk explains in the above link, it's an anthropological study, not how-to for fiction writing, and it won't make your story good, it'll just make it similar to everything else.

I think Extra Credits did go into some details about using THJ as a tool, not a formula, but I can't recall the specifics of that right now. And you even said
>You can’t just have Twilight Sparkle take the steps of the hero’s journey and expect it to be a literary masterpiece. This is not to say that a good [adventure] fic where Twilight goes on a Hero’s Journey quest is impossible. It’s just very hard to pull it off.
So, maybe link to those two episodes of EC instead of the book itself.
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Azusa!fG2qnvpWXU 763

File: 1352410373147.png (218.79 KB, 900x900, Derpy253.png)

>>733
Hmm, there isn't much I could say about [Alt U] other than to keep the changes you make consistent and not to just use it as an excuse for Out of Character actions. [HiE] is basically a [Crossover] with our world. I suppose I could write a section on [Crossover]s.

>>735
>So, maybe link to those two episodes of EC instead of the book itself.
Yeah, I haven't actually read the book. I just watched the videos.

>This section is kinda confusing. I hate grimderp as much as the next guy who also hates Rainbow Factory, but there are some dark, gruesome stories that nonetheless need to be MLP fanfiction to work – Fallout Equestria being the most obvious example.

This is more to make authors think before plunging in headfirst with their Hunger Games inspired dystopian Pony fic.

Thanks for your advice. I'm going to let this simmer for awhile and come back to it later with a fresh pair of eyes to expand it.


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Figment's Review Thread... of SCIENCE! 120Locked[View]

#Reviewer

Greetings, you fine connoisseurs of literature! My name is Figments, and I'm here to review your fanfiction. What does that mean? Well, let me give you a rundown of it: I go through your fic, scouring every nook and cranny for imperfections, and then come back to you with both suggestions and results, helping you along in this crazy world of pony fanfiction.

So, getting back to the subject, welcome to my review thread! Being an author myself, I know the problems faced with creating a story, so feel free to ask any question regarding such! I'm a bit more lenient than most other folks in terms of *coughs * language, general mishaps, and so on and so forth. That doesn't mean that I won't come down hard on your fic. When I do, that's generally because I want to see it as the best that it can be.

I do have a few requirements and preferences for reviewing, as follows:

1) Please read the sticky. It's the only hope for sailing these dangerous waters! That and us reviewers. *coughs * Moving on…

2) Please use this format when posting here: Title, Author, Appropriate Tags, Synopsis, Word Count, and your Gdocs Link (with sharing and comments enabled)

3) I will only accept Google Docs as this is the most convenient to review with. If your story is on FiMFiction and you would like a review, please transfer the story over to Gdocs and enable sharing with comments.

4) NO 10,000 + WORD EPIC CHAPTERS. My limit is 7K. No more, no less. I will be lenient if you go just a few words over; and by a few, I mean like ten to thirty, not one hundred to seven hundred. I gladly take resubmissions if edits have been made! Just keep in mind: I am not here to beta test your fic. I'm here to help make it better, so don't spam resubmissions.
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Anonymous 138

File: 1342832937288.gif (491.27 KB, 500x281, oh my gosh.gif)

>>137
Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words.

Though, I can't take all the credit, kind of. I had a few people pre-read this for me, you were just a last go through before submission to EqD. But all the changes were done by me, so screw it, I'll take credit! :P

Also, pic related.

507

File: 1351022122555.jpg (23.04 KB, 640x362, kaminomi_2.jpg)

HEY !SPIKE

Can you close this thread for me?

I forgot that I closed the one on Ponychan.

508

File: 1351052657460.png (26.92 KB, 600x630, 130559976454.png)

You got it.


File: 1344906946266.jpg (201.46 KB, 1000x1000, 3770 - artist-kloudmutt bath s…)

Mlpchan's Official /fic/ Write-Off, First Edition 212[View][Last 50 Posts]

Hello and welcome to the Official first ever MLPchan /fic/ write-off!

Stories: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/47540/Misconceptions
Voting: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZDWMGLW

Rundown:
– Participants write stories over a 72 hour period
– The stories are written from a prompt given at the event’s onset
– Participants submit their work to an anonymous anthology
– Readers and judges then rate the stories and
– Finally, everything gets wrapped up with author reveals and winners announced

The contest is open to any and all willing participants. All we ask is that you let us know in this thread if you wish to participate.

Times
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Anonymous 437

File: 1347205503463.png (349.29 KB, 900x675, best.png)

>checks results of writeoff

Holy shit, where did you find these judges? I'm laughing for real right now.

Damn, and people think the pre-readers are biased and arbitrary.

SarfTheMagnifico !wggeWu9bgQ 438

File: 1347215014521.png (146.2 KB, 971x823, DO NOT WANT.png)

I would just like to point out that after this event, I have fired half of my staff.

I apologize for the unprofessionalism, but being the first time around I had to work out the kinks. For next time I know three things

1)Schedule more judging time
2)Hire twice the staff
3)Screen the staff members upon application

I was cut short of my staff as it was, and one was hired a week before the event when someone else quit on me. I apologize for the screw-ups, but know that the final decision for winner was unanimous.

Pascoite!uxy6g7ov9I 439

>>434
"Wings of Icarus" beat "Curse, Bless Me Now," as I recall.


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